.....All of that has been bothering me this week, and the cherry on top of it all was that we taught a lesson yesterday, and I was just totally lost and it was just awful. So this morning I was really sad and I was just doubting a lot. I had received a confirmation about
serving as a Spanish speaking missionary weeks before my call even came and then when
you and I talked about the possibility of a reassignment, I got another confirmation. But
today I was just doubting. I was thinking, "Why isn't it easier?" "Why do I have to struggle
so much?" "I believe in the gift of tongues! So why can't I have it?""What am I doing here
President?" It really was awful. Then with personal study came revelation.
This morning I was reading in the first chapter of Ether, there begins the story of the
Jaredites with the Tower of Babel and all that good stuff. But as I was reading I began to
wonder why the Lord decided to confound the language instead of going all Sodom and
Gomorrah on their wicked city, so I cracked open the bible and read the full account and
then it hit me. He confounded the language because the people needed to be humbled.
They had built this high tower to reach God, to place themselves at His level. They were
full of pride and they were trying to force their way into heaven by building quite literally upon
the things of the world to get there. They needed to be humbled. That is when I realized
why I needed to be reassigned, I needed to learn a lesson about humility and relying in the
Lord. I wasn't as proud as the people at the tower construction site, but in English...
I was a bit proud.
Not so proud that people needed to stay at least 3 feet from me to avoid being
struck by lightning, but proud enough to feel like I didn't need the help of a companion.
Before my mission, I was a ward missionary, so I already knew how to teach the lessons
and that whole part was easy. I didn't need to rely on my companion and didn't need the
Lord's help there because teaching was one of my strengths (don't worry, I have definitely
repented from this mindset.) Then, I got switched. I was humbled, I need the Lord's help to
know what words to say and now I flounder without my companion. Without the language
change, I would be stuck.
A few weeks ago I learned that Challenges + Faith = Miracles. I had faith, but I wasn't
challenged, so I hadn't experienced the miracle that is conversion. I needed to be brought
low.To quote you President, "real learning begins at a fine line between conceptual
understanding and experience," I realize now how true the words are. But I choose to
replace "learning" with testimony, so now it is "a real testimony begins at a fine line
between conceptual understanding and experience." I believed in the enabling and
ennobling power of the Atonement before, but it wasn't until I was humbled by Spanish
that I experienced that power in my life and received an unwavering testimony of it.
Now, a little more humble Sister Raynor The Church is true, The Book is Blue, and Moroni stands on a ball. Sister Raynor